


Let us rewind

by JuliaHelman101



Series: we're going under [7]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:22:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23947633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuliaHelman101/pseuds/JuliaHelman101
Summary: Flashbacks, snippets and memories of the Doctor and Yaz's relationship from s11-12 and a little in between and out!
Relationships: The Doctor & Yasmin Khan, The Doctor/Yasmin Khan, Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Series: we're going under [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1686787
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	Let us rewind

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer:   
> Last time i uploaded a story i was accused of stealing someones idea- and so i just want to say that i only thought of this today and i havent copied anyones story idea xxxx  
> I know how draining and exhausting writing is- how it can sometimes make you feel like your head is going to explode, or your energy is sucked dry because all the writing juice has escaped onto the page. I would never ever make those efforts, that energy, be wasted for someone else because that's cruelty in a nutshell. I hate making people feel upset and ripped off especially as it was completely unintentional and so i just want to clarify first in case i upset some one xxx i respect you all and everyone is allowed to feel upset- everyones pain is valid and i never want to make someone worse xxx  
> Take care to you all   
> Plus I am dedicating this story to the person i mentioned prior- to show my love and understanding, because i will always love your stories, and I know what it's like to be unwell. I am giving you all my strength xx
> 
> I'm a little nervous posting this, but my frustration that Chibnall and the team haven't made Thasmin canon yet it is so overt in other media- i wanted to play on it, dig into their relationship a little more, because thasmin is so effortlessly canon!  
> I hope you enjoy this-any feedback is appreciated xxx  
> Julia xxx

It was like it was meant to be. That’s what the Doctor would one day tell Yaz as they curled up on the sofa in the TARDIS library, talking about pasts, presents, aliens and old fez hats. Both sat nestled into each other, custard creams scattered on the table in front, empty mugs sleeping next to the biscuit mess. No sounds, no whirls, just the Doctor talking.

They were better than any couple the Doctor would claim, that no love could ever outshine theirs. Yaz always wondered whether it was the sugar going to her head, but the Doctor knew in both hearts she was right. She was _the Doctor_ afterall…

They’d be lying on the grass on Quinsentian 7, Ryan and Graham beside them enjoying the sun as they ate donuts from Quinsentian 6. The Doctor would just mutter away about how beautiful it all was, pulling Yaz closer to her so that the human could rest her head on her chest.

“Absolutely remarkable.”

“It really is Doctor.”

Yaz was the only one of them to not realise that the Doctor wasn’t talking about the planet.

The Doctor knew Yaz wasn’t like the rest.

Instant connection, instant spark. The Doctor would reminisce whilst doing her maintenance each night. “I’m calling you Yaz because we’re friends now.”

Often the Doctor would hear her ship humming, gossiping “ _We both know you want more than friends.”_. The Doctors only mutter was “Shut up.”

The whole Fam knew that the Doctor wasn’t interested anyone on the ship. She had shrugged of Graham in Montgomery even when it was for pretend, which was to everyone’s amusement.

“We’re meant to keep up our act you know Doc.”

“Well I’m sorry if I’m not a touchy-feely person.”

“We both know that’s not true.”

The Doctor gulped and shoved her hands in her pockets- now that was one thing that _was_ true. Graham was having small suspicions, but it was too early to put the pieces together, he wasn’t going to mention it- he would wait like the Doctor was doing; waiting to find out what her hearts really wanted.

And damn did she wait.

The Doctor barely gulped in Yaz’s efforts to keep her from leaving, barely absorbed the compelling confession of her being the best person Yaz has ever met. Not to blow her own trumpet or anything but the Doctor knew if incarnation was a better man- woman than most. She hadn’t felt so human before and of course with emotions came emotions.

And the Doctor would later joke to Yaz, after the whole ordeal in Pakistan what she wished she was psychopath sometimes. Or that alien in the Isles of Favlos where emotions didn’t exist. Because of course she couldn’t resist giving into the one and only Yasmin Khan, of course she had left Prem to die, had to stand back and watch history take its course.

“You remind me of someone.” The Doctor said, and they were in the console room. Graham and Ryan had left like they usually did because they of course saw what those two couldn’t see yet- and oh boy were they waiting.

“Oh yeah?”

“A friend of mine. Rose.”

If Yaz had noticed the strained and husky strangle of that sentence then she chose to ignore it. “Why?”

“I let her go back in time to see her Dad on the day he died.”

“Doctor I-“

“You humans! Always wanting the best, when will I learn to resist you al huh?”

And with that The Doctor beamed her fake grin and skipped down the hallway, leaving Yaz to ponder alone.

But the Doctor hated to see Yaz alone, hated to see Yaz unsatisfied, hated to see the universe not making sense for her. So she paired the human up with the best tourist of the universe: herself. If Yaz wanted the best she would get her the best (definitely not blowing on her own trumpet there either). The Doc and Yaz, Graham always joked, like an old married couple of bickering, hugging and unspoken conversations. Yaz would blush and the Doctor would try and think of a witty comeback.

There was none.

The Doctor could only imagine a million unspoken conversations with them.

“Doctor can I make a request?”

“Of course.” _Yes, never have to ask me ever, not once, you know I will always say yes to you even if it gets our lives in danger and I have to go across the universe for you. Always always always always always-_

The Doctor was so in love. All she could see was humanity rise and collapse in Yaz’s eyes, every day she saw Yaz- when she woke up, to when she was asleep. It was like the Doctor was looking straight into the time vortex and couldn’t look away.

“I’m with you whatever happens.” Was a lullaby that settle the Doctor stomach at night when she was tormented with visions of the past, of who she had lost- why she had lost them all.

Yaz wasn’t going to leave her, Yaz was fighting, always fighting for humanity, and it seemed also aliens.

Maybe that’s why the Doctor decided to read Yaz old history books about her past lives. Each night for an hour before bed. Though of course an hour became two hours, two hours became three hours and by four hours Yaz would nestle against the Doctors warm embrace and fall asleep on her shoulder. The Doctor would listen to her single heartbeat waltz inside her chest, like a melody replaying over and over and over and over and over and-

Yaz knocked on the TARDIS door meekly on a Tuesday night. The Doctor popped her head out of the TARDIS console confused- she had only dropped the Fam off home this morning. The doors swung open to find Yaz, smiling gingerly, stepping in and killing the Doctor in one look.

“I can’t sleep.” Yaz said. Aaaaand the Doctor was alive again. If Graham would be here he’d mutter ‘those secret conversations again…’

“How come?”

“Bed feels all weird.” _My bed isn’t you, but not in a creepy way because that would be weird but maybe it wouldn’t but what I mean is that I have an addiction to your shoulder, and your stomach, and basically your whole body but I’m Yorkshire and im not going to say that out loud. What I mean is Doctor I cant sleep without your embrace._

The Doctor would smile every time Yaz came into the TARDIS on a Sheffield night no words ever needing to be spoken.

That was okay for Yaz- they didn’t need to speak to feel. Speaking made it real, it made it dangerous, it made it uncertain. Like when Yaz could feel the Doctors hand just resting on her shoulder on new years eve, like it was the most normal thing in the world. The Doctor never touched anyone, barely, rarely, yet the Doctor although in moments of ‘panic’ would touch her, may be a small tap on the shoulder, to being pushed onto a bed… Regardless Yaz knew they stepped into unspoken territory so Yaz did what any copper would do:

She chased after the Doctor who had stolen her heart.

Ryan and Graham always watched from afar, like they were watching a soap opera- which funnily enough noth the Doctor and Yaz loved. They saw the lingering stares, the gentle touches, the soft words between them. Ryan would always mutter to his grandad to whether they should spur them on a bit, but Graham had a feeling that they were going at quite a pace already.

Yaz and Ryan had just left the TARDIS, laughing, joking as they always did. It had been a month since the Dalek had come to Earth. And well Ryan thought it was best if he visited his Dad, because a month is still a short amount of time. Even for the Doctor. And especially for Aaron. 

Graham held back of course, much to the Doctors amusement and confusion.

“You alright there Graham?”

“Yeah I’m good Doc, I just wanted to say that Paris is a good place.”

“What?”

“It’s very romantic, you two would like it.” Graham didn’t need to say anymore than that and he swiftly made his exist, grinning as Yaz flew past him in the park glued to her phone. He could faintly hear Yaz asking the Doctor why she had called her ten minutes after they left. Graham just grinned harder.

So it didn’t surprise anyone when the Doctor made a joke about kisses being very _French_. Frankly it was all any of them needed to know- especially Ryan who had faced away to contain a laugh. Yaz didn’t say anything because they never mentioned it, they just knew what they felt and went for it.

“Yaz. Just be careful, undercover well- it’s not exactly safe.” The Doctor had pulled Yaz aside, after she had just warned all of them of the dangers. Yaz was tempted to roll her eyes but stopped when she saw the age, the anguish, the years in the Timelords eyes.

“I’ll be fine, promise.”

“I can’t do this without you Yasmin Khan.” The Doctor barely breathed, she just squeezed Yaz’s shoulders and looked straight into her soul which Yaz freely let her do because she knew she wasn’t going to say much back, she knew they couldn’t.

Except the time they did-

They were in the library, discussing the Master- well Yaz trying to get as much information as possible that she could. But there was no avail. The frustration in both of their voices grew and grew- both as stubborn as each other. That’s why they were a great team, but also rubbish arguers.

“I keep telling you Yaz, the Master isn’t important.” The Doctor hissed, pacing up and down nearly making Yaz go dizzy.

“But he is though and we both know it why are you so afraid?”

“Because if you know the truth then you’re in danger!” The Doctor shouted and suddenly weights just lifted off not only her shoulders but her feet, her knees, head, arms, back, toes, fingers, ears, nose-

“I don’t understand.”

“Humans.”

“Oi!”

“No Yaz! You don’t have a say in this because the more you know the more he will know don’t you see? If you know what he is like, then you will become like me- you will want to fight him. And you’re human-you cant just regenerate.”

“So what because I’m not like you I cant help?”

“Because you’re not like him he will destroy you first. I cant lose my universe, ive already lost my home planet.”

Yaz kissed away the Doctors tears that night.

And every night after that. Call it a routine.

And they sure as hell built a routine. The Doctor would even travel back in time to the previous day just so they could spend a day extra alone whilst Ryan and Graham were alone in Sheffield. They knew they could have gone away for months but both were loyal idiots to the Fam code as the Doctor would one day point out to Yaz whilst hoovering the Khan household as Yaz rallied round trying to catch everything the Doctor knocked over. They made a really good team-

So much so that Yaz started to act like the Doctor. But it didn’t scare her, because she knew that Yaz was capable- she had a flare for helping, seeking, she wasn’t afraid and the Doctor would neve rput her down and limit that. Everyone needed a Yaz in their lives so why would the Doctor not have a fully functioning Yaz at that? It reminded the Doctor of Martha, Donna, Amy, Clara, Bill, Rose.

But Yaz was none of the previous humans.

Yaz was a Doctor herself.

“Ryan’s in pieces. He always kisses the unlucky ones.” Yaz heaved, she leant against the TARDIS with the Doctor just watching people outside her flat. Yaz didn’t take herself to be a people watcher but somehow the Doctor had made it seem so beautiful. They had come home, and Ryan wasn’t speaking to anyone- bloody resorts. The Doctor couldn’t help but feel guilty but the presence of Yaz by her side made her realise why she had no reason to be. She had shaped this human into becoming her own human Doctor- of wars, of planets, of broken hearts.

“He’ll be okay in the end, Ryans strong like that.”

“Yeah he is.”

“What about you?”

“Huh?”

“Ever fancy kissing someone you meet whilst in mortal peril?” The Doctor looked at the kids licking their icecreams, and the middle-aged couples walking with their dogs. The Doctor couldn’t help but think how mundanity was soothing- it was a blessing that she was taking away from everyone on the ship. Yaz smiled, and she bumped her shoulders with the Doctors.

“Nah I’m happy with what I’ve got.”

And so was the Doctor for she refused every love interest thrown her way. Of course it was rare, but she was adamantly against the courtship of Lord Byron, although a little too distracted by the impending doom of alien signals to be smug about Yaz’s dismissal of her snogging the young chap- which in Yaz’s way, the alien had come to learn, was jealousy.

However, Yaz got the last laugh the night before they were to set off to find the coordinates. The Doctor confessed she may have overheard Yaz’s conversation about some enigmatic person, and she may have gotten jealous because in Doctor fashion she never got the social cues.

That’s why the Doctor had to shout at Yaz. To say no. Because her usual social cues against Yaz wouldn’t have worked, because Yaz always gets through to her and Yaz couldn’t come with her. Not this time. The Doctor had to fight the cybermen alone- there was no other solution.

But it still didn’t prepare to see the flash of hurt pass over Yaz. It broke her hearts in two all over again, and she stepped back on the verge of tears. She couldn’t say it was the most loving thing to do, she wouldn’t put either of them through the emotional torment.

The Doctor yet again failed to get Yaz to safety as the Master took her away, adding to the torment.

Although to see Yaz kneeling down in front of her, well that was certainly not torment after what felt like hours of torture forced upon her by the Doctor. She had broken free, she was alive and Yaz- her Yaz was beside her, Graham and Ryan behind but not as close as Yaz was.

Yaz was always the first one out of all of them- always saying things first, taking action first. Always being the one to refuse to let the Doctor go first.

Before The Doctor left to meet the Master she decided to go to Yaz, first.

“Yaz I need to talk to you.” The Doctor didn’t give Yaz a chance as she grabbed the humans hand and dragged them into a different section of the room, shrouded by metal shields. The Doctor had no time to spare, she had nothing left except Yaz.

“Well this isn’t what I expected.”

“No it wasn’t.” The Doctor laughed because Yaz could always make her smile, could always take her away from any dimension. Always. “I just wanna say thank you, and I’m so glad you found me.”

“Me too.”

“I love you, in more languages you’ll ever know because the TARDIS doesn’t translate evertime, and I know it’s the wrong time but I just had to say that.” The Doctors rambling was panicked and wheezy, for the first time she was the one to have said those words- instead of the universe cruelly taking the chance to and with that, Yaz entwined their hands together.

“Me too Doctor.”

“I can’t promise you safety Yaz, not right now.”

“I know.”

Yaz always knew that the Doctor was going to save her though. Each night she stayed up looking at the stars waiting for the Doctor, because she knew she was coming back. The Doctor always came back. Just like the Doctor always promise to keep Yaz safe even if she didn’t believe it.

Yaz wasn’t expecting to see the Doctor at 3am whilst on her shift. A report had come in that a drunk woman had come in confused and lost and seeing as it wasn’t serious enough for her superiors Yaz had been delightfully given the task of looking after a very exhausted and scruffy alien.

Yaz would later laugh at the picture she took of the Doctor slumped on the chair, every Christmas when literally the whole of Sheffield would come over. The Doctor had tried to get rid of it a fair few time but Yaz knew the Doctor too well.

“Aw leave her alone.” Umbreen said, but the Doctor had no confidence for the woman too was laughing at the picture. Apparently the Doctor looking like a zombie was trending on twitter according to Sonya.

“Sis you caught her best side I swear.”

Yaz grinned staring into the smiling eyes of the Doctor. “Yeah I really did.”


End file.
